How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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