So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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