I'm drive I can fine osifer
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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