girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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