remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
His nipple licking is glorious
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
