so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
