She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
