3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
