Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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