fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Less talking, more tequila
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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