this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
