hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
