id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Im part way to drunk.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm always down for nudity.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
