I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
