Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Still dying that you shit outside
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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