Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
