He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
