Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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