my vag is so smooth its legendary
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
