I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
