i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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