I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
