Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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