I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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