so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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