2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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