wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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