Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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