My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
