I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
