dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
