It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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