Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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