I need to stop coming to work sober
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
