remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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