Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
