he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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