dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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