I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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