I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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