I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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