Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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