I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
