I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Will exercising make me less horny?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
