They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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