I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Can you repeat that, but with context?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
