thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
