I'm really into asian looking animals
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
