11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
