bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
