Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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