if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
