Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
