I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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