I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
