Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
