yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
