Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
