3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
did you just send me my own nude
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
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