She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
