Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
