2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
