So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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