and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
