Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
