the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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