That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
