to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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