Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Is it penis luge time yet?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
