now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
