You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
