Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
