he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
