Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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