you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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