he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
