Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
