It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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