I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
