How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
