Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
