Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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