Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I will be naked everywhere
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
