I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
