pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
